ANOTHER DIFFICULT AND BUSY DAY
It's now Wednesday, March 23, 2011. I ended up staying the night in Santa Monica, which wasn't the original plan. I spent another grueling day working and helping. I started my day with lemon water from room service, a yogurt that included strawberries, blueberries, granola, and yogurt, which was fantastic, but definitely not something I can have everyday because of the granola. I also drank my green tea and ate an apple (because I did not expect fruit with my yogurt), so I did begin good again - even being in a hotel away from home.
Worked all morning. Stopped for lunch around 1. Ordered the same Chicken Cesar salad and fruit for lunch, with water and iced tea. Good and sensible. I was hoping for an equally sensible dinner, but that did not work out so well. I ended up grabbing Jack In the Box while waiting for over an hour on Santa Monica Blvd. I was hoping to make it closer to home before eating, but it was already 8 pm. I did not go for the salad either. I ordered the Jumbo Jack with Cheese and onion rings, with a chocolate Shake.
So, for my first real plunge from the pedestal, I decided not to let it get me down or to harp on it because that would only make things worse. I could just give up the diet all together. I decided that I would call it well deserved, but climb right back up on that horse and continue my ride.
I know it sounds like I am being so cavalier with this news and my actions, but in truth, I have really been having a super hard time. I typically eat my emotions, and I have been fighting serious urges and cravings since this whole thing started with my loved one. It sounds like an excuse - even to my own ears, but this is the reality of a person addicted to food who is starting to spin out of control again. Those who have never been here are quick to judge and to tell me to just don't do it. It just isn't that easy. I try to get them to understand its and addiction, and not always easy to deny. I know it is still my choice, and I should choose other things, but I can't seem to find a replacement for the eating to soothe me yet. Anyone got a hug available???
I truly hope you will all stay with me through this roller coaster of my life. Knowing I have to write and report what I have done has helped me more than not having this mode of accountability for myself. Without my therapist, I am out here trying to figure out how or what to do with myself to make me feel worthy and worthwhile. Isn't it an ethical issue when your therapist just drops you for forgetting an appointment when you have memory issues tied to anxiety? Hmmmm.
TODAY'S STATS
Green Tea = 1; Water = 3; Probiotics = 1 yogurt; Fruit = 2 apple, strawberries, blueberries; Protein = grilled chicken breast, hamburger; Veggies = onion, romaine lettuce, tomatoes; Friendly Fats = 0; Other = granola, burger/buns, cheese, fried onion rings, chocolate shake.
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