Hello Everyone
I am sorry I haven't blogged in a couple of days. I have been busy working on a plan for myself. Big changes are going on all around me. I am looking forward to some of them! Exited even.
Today, I weighed myself as a pre-weigh in preview because I didn't want to be surprised on Friday when it was time to do the official weigh in. I shouldn't have looked. I got really upset again because after coming down the other day, I was back up and it's frustrating. I have been fighting with myself not to give in after I had someone I love hurt me deeply.
I moved the loaf of Poviticia bread to my son's room because it was just tooooo tempting. The shiny foil just kept catching my eye. It seemed to be speaking to me. I wanted it to stop. I even started lifting it up and feeling it and then moving in for the dreaded smell. Once I did that, it was impossible to ignore it, so I moved it to my son's room. However, as my luck would have it, my son moved it back in the kitchen today, and left it right in front of my computer! What??!! Oh No! And that filthy scale was being mean to me again after I have been doing so good for over a month! It was too much. My emotions are in turmoil. I eat when I am upset or lonely - well emotional. So, there I was, cutting it, trying to talk myself out of it, while at the same time, talking myself into it. I was telling myself not to mess up what I have done so far. I don't need it. I don't really want it. While the devil on the other shoulder was saying, just one small piece won't hurt. You have been doing so well. go ahead, you deserve it. I am sure most of you know by now that the devil one that one! More's the pity...
I took a bite, and it tasted like it always does., but it was only OK. I was feeling too guilty. It didn't taste right. I didn't need it I tried so hard to talk myself out of taking another bite, while that dratted devil was trying to talk me into taking a third bite- before I had even taken the second! I thought about having to blog and tell everyone about this, and I was reasoning with myself - they'll understand three bites. No. You don't need to do it. You tasted it, that's enough - as I took that second bite. This bite was no better than the last, and it was with thorough lathing, and self disgust that I threw the rest of my piece of bread into the sink!
So, there you have it. My all from Grace after 32 days! I didn't let it get me down or stop me though. I am more determined than ever to beat this thing! I do not want to respond emotionally with food. So, I sat down and wrote out a scathing letter to this person that hurt me, and I feel better. I am not sure if I will mail it or should I say, this version of it, but it serve its purpose to get that out of my head and of my emotional chest. i win this round, with a minor stagger in the ring! Whew! that was close.
By the way, THANK YOU so much for all your support, prayers and encouragement! It really helped me get through this rough time. I appreciate every single one of you! Thanks for sticking with me and reading me blog!
I am keeping my eating very simple the next few days, so that I can get better results with the scale. I had a salad for lunch with just lettuce, onion, a sprinkle of fat free feta cheese, and dressing. For dinner, I made a grilled chicken breast and steamed broccoli. I have that meal down to a 7 minute science! It's quick and tasty. I need to focus on my water and tea. I think sub-consciously I am having less tea each day because I am running out and I don't want to, but I need to keep the intake of it to at least 3 a day. I have barely been getting one.
TODAY'S STATS
Green Tea = 2; Water = 6; Fruits = 1 apple; Probiotics = 2 yogurts; Proteins = chicken breast; Veggies = broccoli, romaine lettuce, onion; Friendly Fats = 0l ; Legumes = 0; Friendly Starches = 0
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